Region: Unknown
Alice Holt
My head dipped and my eyes slowly opened and shut. I floated off to a time where I was happy. Even then when life was complicated and difficult I was still happy. He held me in his arms as I told him I was pregnant and we agreed that we would have to leave as soon as possible. The only way we could be together was to leave. We both knew how difficult it was going to be. We would talk through the stillness of the night in the quiet safety of our home, avoiding the few patrols that came our way after the sun set. We made plans on how we would finally leave this godforsaken place and be a family. We didn’t have long, I mean I was unsure of how far into my pregnancy I really was. I may have even been close to three even four months pregnant so it was obvious we had to work fast. I collected as much information as I could from old maps I had managed to get my hands on. I cunningly chatted with the girls in the factory, playing out with them fun scenarios of how we would leave given the chance, eventually dismissing it and joking that we would probably get caught as none of us were smart enough to actually pull something like that off. All the while I noted the best of the plans. I would then go home and sit and tell him all the information I had gathered. Eventually we had formulated a plan; a plan to leave. You know what they say about the best laid plans.
Instead of Drowning
(One Shot)
I looked
around the room and took in my surroundings during a moment of calm. My labor had
started so quickly that I hadn’t taken the time to really look over the
makeshift delivery room. As it turned
out it was really nothing to look at. Green paint flaked off the walls and the
plaster in places was crumbling. Large damp patches grew in the corners of the
room and stretched across the celling. The windows were dirty and defused the
light that came through in a strange yellow haze. The pipes that ran along the
top of the room were rusty and leaked in places leaving a ruddy trail of brown
as the water slowly marched toward the ground. The room had a strange smell. It was a kind of combination of damp and
disinfectant that worked itself easily into your nose. The bed I lay upon was
not much better. An old white metal
frame with rusty springs creaked with my every movement. The sheets were clean
but could not disguise the disarray beneath them. Where one of the corners had come undone I
saw that the mattress was stained and my nose crinkled at the obvious smell of
stale blood and urine. But I couldn’t
complain, at least I would have some help to deliver my baby.
“Ok Alice this
is it” I heard the soft timid voice of the midwife, who up till then, had been
at my side and helping me through it all, without pain relief I might add. This was just one of the many major drawbacks
to having a child unlawfully; at least unlawfully in the eyes of the
community. A community I never really
wanted to be a part of. I pushed down with all my might grabbing the side rails
of the bed and planted my feet just as I was told. Then, somewhere in the
distance, I heard a faint voice say stop and so I did. “Just pant, it’s time to
birth the head” came the voice again. I stopped; quick short purposeful breaths
leaving my mouth. I felt myself stretch and burn but I took every ounce of pain,
as every mother should for their child. “Relax
Alice” the strange voice said yet again, but this time from a little further
away.
My head dipped and my eyes slowly opened and shut. I floated off to a time where I was happy. Even then when life was complicated and difficult I was still happy. He held me in his arms as I told him I was pregnant and we agreed that we would have to leave as soon as possible. The only way we could be together was to leave. We both knew how difficult it was going to be. We would talk through the stillness of the night in the quiet safety of our home, avoiding the few patrols that came our way after the sun set. We made plans on how we would finally leave this godforsaken place and be a family. We didn’t have long, I mean I was unsure of how far into my pregnancy I really was. I may have even been close to three even four months pregnant so it was obvious we had to work fast. I collected as much information as I could from old maps I had managed to get my hands on. I cunningly chatted with the girls in the factory, playing out with them fun scenarios of how we would leave given the chance, eventually dismissing it and joking that we would probably get caught as none of us were smart enough to actually pull something like that off. All the while I noted the best of the plans. I would then go home and sit and tell him all the information I had gathered. Eventually we had formulated a plan; a plan to leave. You know what they say about the best laid plans.
“Alice, the
heads out; three more big pushes and this will be all over.”My eyes burst open
as I heard the stern voice of the Dr. I didn’t say a word as I looked over at
the midwife who offered me a glass of water.
It’s not cold but more so tepid.
Still it’s all I had so I drank it.
I felt the tightness of another contraction rock my body and I braced
myself, taking a deep breath through my nose and exhaling through my mouth, pushing
with everything I had. I felt myself stretch and pull further; if that was even
possible. “One more like that and it shall be born” the voice came from the
base of the bed. At that moment I prayed
that it was a girl because the other option does not bear thinking about in my
situation. With a final push I felt the
baby leave me, completely. Six hours of discomfort and pain all stopped in an instant. I fell back onto the bed; wiping the sweat
from my forehead as a listened to the smack of bare flesh and then a piercing
wail. I smiled in spite of it all. I sighed deeply and contentedly, happy in the
knowledge that I didn’t die, though with all the pain I thought I would. I was ready to hold my first born, my baby.
My head
cleared a bit and I listened to the muffled voices that were now across the
room. I leaned up on my elbows and scanned the room looking for the midwife. I could
see the doctor, the midwife and another person whom I did not remember seeing
before, looking down with their backs toward me. “Hello can I see my baby now?”
I asked my voice shaky. I felt tears
stinging my eyes as fear gripped me. I received no reply from the trio so I
tried to move but all my energy had been sapped, I felt light headed and
woozy. I called once out again. “I want to see my baby
now.” My voice sounded slurred as if I were drunk. The midwife turned toward me
with sadness in her eyes and my heart sank. “Shortly” she said with her quiet
mouselike voice.
I watched
through heavy eyes as my baby was weighed, tagged and wrapped in a blanket. For
a moment I thought to myself “Oh thank god everything is ok” and then, I let
the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, out. The doctor turned with my baby in her arms, and
I shuffled making myself comfortable to ready myself for my child. I smiled once again as the doctor looked me
over while waiting patiently to receive my new born. “Alice you gave birth to a baby boy” the
doctor said very flat and matter of factly.
My stomach tightened, my heart stopped and my head swam. “You will not be allowed to keep him” she
stated coldly continuing on with an admonishing “You know the consequences for
having a child illegally.” “Children are earned, especially boys.”
“Let me see”
my voice cracked shakily as it echoed through the now cold and eerily silent
room. My chest tightened even more. I
felt the tightness in my heart and every breath I took hurt like nothing I
could ever describe. It was more painful
than the birth itself. “Please let me see him” I begged with a whisper. “I am sorry but that will not be possible”
said the doctor not really meaning the part about being sorry. The doctor then turned to the third person in
the room, some sort of attendant, and curtly asked her “Please take NOVA 09 to nursery
and get him a wet nurse.” The attendant nodded her head and started to leave. “No…no wait I can wet nurse him. I can wet
nurse him and any of the others please… please let me see him.” Tears streamed
down my face dropping heavily on the over washed blue gown I was wearing. “You
knew the consequences of your actions by becoming unlawfully pregnant.” stated the
doctor coldly as she too began exiting the room.
My heart
broke into a million pieces. “Please…Please I’m begging you. Don’t take my
baby.” I sobbed loudly. I’ll leave, no one needs to know. It’s not
like anyone knows where I am, no one will miss me. I’ll leave tonight. I have
collateral.. y..yo…you can have it all. Please don’t take my son away.” My
voice climbed higher and higher as a storm in my stomach rumbled, I felt sick.
The attendant turned and looked at me mournfully, pausing for just a
moment. She was then helped along by the
doctor as they both vanished from site, the door to the room closing behind
them.
My plea failed to register with anyone and I was left sobbing and alone.
It was then I quietly made a pact with
my unseen child. I will want you forever and a day. I will need you as long as the
seasons need to change. I will hold you in my heart for as long as I live and I
will love you as long as the stars are above you or longer if I can. Determined to get to him I tried to scramble
out of bed toward the now shut door. I fell to the floor screaming. Unclear rants and rambles fled my dry mouth. I pushed to my feet only to have stumbled back
down again consumed with exhaustion. I
reached out for my little man as I scratched at the floor trying with all my
might to get to him. “No please! Bring him back to me. Please I’m begging you;
let me hold him just once.” I whisper. The
fight leaving me as my body gave up. Slowly I realized there is nothing I can
do. Heartbroken I sat on my knees faced
with reality, I knew he’s gone. Tears streamed down my face and I lay in a
crumpled mess on the cold dirty floor, pulling my knees to my chest, completely
lost.
Thoughts
raced through my clouded head and I whispered to know one. “I will find my boy. We will leave this hell hole together.” I tried to think where it was that it all
went wrong. I couldn’t help that I fell
in love with a man who needed me. I never saw men as a commodity or used them
for pleasure, well at least if you didn’t count high school before the plague,
but that was a different time. Once upon a time all we all wanted was a good
man to look after us, to be strong for us and cherish us. But not any longer;
now they are hunted and traded like cattle and if they don’t make the grade
they get sent away or locked up and forgotten about. I loved my man, my Adam.
We had it all planned out. We were this
close. With only a few days left we had
every detail perfect. Then that fucking bitch of a Bounty Hunter came strolling
through town and found Adam hiding while I was working. We were so damn close
to being free, to being a family. Then
there I was six months later under constant supervision as they waited with
hungry eyes for my child.
I felt a
sharp poke on the top of my arm and I once again gained some kind of reality or
presence. I saw the midwife standing in front
of me, her hair all pulled out of her pony tail and a trickle of blood seeping
from her nose. “Did I do that” I
asked. She nodded yes to me without
saying anything. “Good. Bastards” I spat
at her defiantly. I didn’t care if she was sympathetic to my pain and
anger. She still stood there and did
nothing. Suddenly I felt more relaxed.
Calm took over where there once only was fire. Before the drugs they had
given me took full effect I asked the midwife for one final request. She didn’t
have to humor me but she did. “At least
let me name my son. He should have more than a number over his head” “If you wish” she responded. I felt that even as I asked her I knew it will
not happen. But to me he would have a name and that’s what matters most. “What
would you like to call your boy” she asked me as she took on my weight and
helped me back to the bed. “Jonah” I
said confidently and with a small smile “It means peace or a dove.” Those are
the last words that left my mouth that day before I was taken by a drug induced
sleep.
Alice Holt
Jonah Holt
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